The second Coaching Groundwork class in the Free Coach Training course I’m taking was about “Being Curious and Fine Tuning Your Antenna.” I love how Julia Stewart talks about expanding our intuition and testing it out, picking up on other external stimuli and using it to check in with a client.

But.. For me, this class was more about one BIG statement that she said, that hit me like a freight train. Here’s my paraphrasing of the statement:

Our “Story” is what we make up about the “stuff” in our lives. We choose to live in our stories, but really, they are “made up” and they aren’t true.

Whoa! This statement came to me at a time where I think I needed it most!
(Julia, are you running a coaching class or are you coaching me?!)

My partner and I got into a big fight, and I’m really figuring out that right now I’ve been starting arguments because when I don’t think my feelings are validated, I start lashing out from behind a “story” about either myself, the situation, or past events. Just a big “wow moment” for me, realizing that I can really get caught in “my story” that lives in my ego, and can prohibit me from just simply expressing what I may need in the moment.

I’ve been keeping a private online journal in Evernote since last April, and today, my journal was my friend. I decided to curl up with it today and “put on a bigger antenna” and look at issues I see “in my story.”

I would write things like, “In my story, my friend A. is connected to living in a small town and small town values, and is much like another friend or family member (of my story), which I had a ton of conflict. In my story, I remember being isolated and sometimes teased by classmates in this small town who would go out and drink beer (in my story), just like my friend A. does. My friend A. eats meat and (in my story) she corrupted the person I’m in a relationship with to start eating meat, and (in my story) I believe she did that to spite me!”

Ok Scott! Step back! Take a look at this story you created!

Was it ever true?
What ways did you know it was true?
Could these be made up from perhaps one or two instances?
How do you know that you “know these things” about your friend A. or about other people?
(Poor A. – I just wrote her as a villain in my story!)
How do you know that their actions were intentional, or meant to harm you?

It was a good exercise for me to put in the words “in my story” into my journal entry, so that I could look at things from an objective standpoint. These things in fact are not happening to me now, but they are still happening “in my story” that I’ve made up and held onto.

So after writing a lot more, I gave myself even more questions in my journal that I’ll need to answer sometime.

So how can you move on now, knowing about the story and how it affects you?
What could you do differently?
What do you think started this story?
Are there times “in your story” that you triumphed or succeeded through the perceived “victimization”?
Could you do that again?

The other “aha-moment” was when Julia mentioned that a good coach really needs to spend a large amount of time on their own self-development, and you should be about one or two steps ahead of your clients in your own self-development.

I consider this course to be a large “self-development project” right now, but I’m also making some lists again and taking notes about other things I’m wanting to keep developing. I’m also a classically trained Tenor and have been singing since I was about 13 years old. Singing is a HUGE self-development skill-talent-endeavor that I have, so I’ll have to find a few more ways to add this to the mix.

The classes keep getting better! I’m learning a lot about myself too!

Tags: coaching, Coaching Class, unknown

Trackback URI | Comments RSS